Wow it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything here. I got busy and lazy and just wrote my stories down in ym journal instead of sharing them here. These last 6 or 7 months have been insane. God has done so much! I have been at the very bottom and at the very top. I’ve learned so much through the last little bit of this year. It’s been hard but good, dumb but awesome. I wouldn’t change any of it for anything. I promise my later blogs will not be as serious or as boring as this one! I just need to get this one out of my system.
I never want to become a person that doesn’t love to live, and love to live as I am. I want to live on the edge and never know what’s going to happen next, and be okay with that. God has given me so much, and given me so much opportunity. I need to use that and live by that grace He’s given me. My life should be a daring adventure, or nothing. I don’t want to feel like I have to become really mature now that I’m graduating college. I still want to be an idiot and say dumb things and do even dumber things. Why is that frowned upon in society? Yeah, I’ll be responsible and mature when I need to be. My mom and dad taught me to be all of that, and they taught it well. But I feel as if I need this outlet to act as if I have no worries or cares because if I don’t act like what I am feeling inside, then I’m going to explode. I feel like I should be a wanderer. I could be a beach bum that lives on the beach and showers in the public showers. I think I could do that and be okay with that. It would work itself out. No worries. There it is again, no worries. I want to live with no worries or cares (without the use of illegal things to make me feel that way of course) but at the same time I feel as if I have so many cares that I am still going to explode. I try and take the world on for everyone else sometimes. And I love that, I love being needed and wanted by people, but I have to come to the realization that it isn’t my job to do that for them. That is Christ’s desire, to care for them and guide them. I’m just here to encourage and love and show Christ’s love through my words and actions, which I know I need to work on. I never want to grow up. Can I just be Peter Pan?? Please. Life would be perfect. Just me, ridiculousness, the life of a kid, and Jesus. Seriously, can it get any better than that? Plus, flying if I’m really going to be living the Pan life. Graduation, don’t come yet. I’m scared of you and what you mean and stand for. What the world expects of me now. I am insanely excited about your arrival though I must say. You are the last page of my college chapter in this book. My next chapter begins in 1 week exactly. I don’t even know the title of it yet. That’s okay though. I don’t know if I want to know the title yet. Maybe not even until I’m 80 should I know the title. Oh life and growing up and moving and mature-ness. Why do you all have to come at once? Why can’t you just come at random times? I know that it wouldn’t be as exciting or make as much sense if you were scattered around in my life, but it would be easier. As the really annoying saying goes, that’s life I guess.
No comments:
Post a Comment